There was a moment in my career when I almost played small. Not because I lacked skill. Not because I lacked ambition. But because I lacked certainty. I remember staring at a conference submission form. My finger hovered over “Submit.” And the voice in my head said: “Who do you think you are?”
Imposter syndrome is loud in cybersecurity. Especially when you don’t see many people who look like you in the rooms you want to enter. I almost closed the tab. Instead, I messaged a mentor.
He didn’t say, “You’re amazing.” He didn’t say, “You’ve got this.” He just said, “Why are you thinking so small?” We reviewed my talk together. He tore apart my framing. Pushed me to go deeper. Made me defend every argument. That talk got accepted. But more importantly, I stopped shrinking.
Over the years, I’ve seen both sides. I’ve mentored students who whispered their questions because they felt they didn’t belong. I’ve had mentees call me after rejection emails. I’ve had others message me before major life decisions. Sometimes they don’t need advice. They need stability. They need someone to say, “You are not crazy. This phase is normal.” It is believing in someone when they are temporarily unable to believe in themselves. But mentorship is also a responsibility.
I have learned, Don’t create dependency. Don’t create mini versions of yourself. Don’t mentor to feel powerful. Mentor to make yourself unnecessary. Some of my proudest moments aren’t my awards or keynotes.
They are the moments when someone I mentored:
- Spoke at their first international conference.
- Became a team lead.
- Launched their own initiative.
- Mentored someone else.
That ripple matters more than applause. In cybersecurity, we talk about securing systems. But mentorship secures futures and if someone once refused to let you shrink, be that person for someone else. That’s how industries change.
There is something profoundly stabilizing about being seen. Not flattered, not exaggerated, Just being seen. We romanticize mentorships. We imagine coffee chats, encouragement, LinkedIn recommendations, and friendly guidance. Mentorship is not emotional charity. Mentorship is not transactional.
It is:-
- Listening to someone explain why they feel stuck.
- Recognizing burnout before they admit it.
- Pushing them when they’re underestimating themselves.
- Slowing them down when ego outruns wisdom.
Sometimes it means telling someone: “You’re not ready yet.” Sometimes it means telling them: “You’re more ready than you think.”
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